Throwing darts at the 2020 schedule

Given the current health situation, I will make an exception this year (for amusement purposes only) and boldly predict how the Browns will do this season now that the National Football League regular-season schedule has been released.

Under normal circumstances, this journey into the unknown is scrupulously avoided at this junction each year. Why? Because it is meaningless. This year, though, Browns fans deserve a good laugh. Or three. Probably more.

Of course, it’s way too early to be prognosticating. Of course, the team is still trying to figure out what it can and cannot do with regard to preparing for the season, if there is one.

No OTAs. No minicamps. Most likely limited training camps. Right now, predicting is like flying a plane with a blindfold on. Who cares, right? So this little distraction comes along at the right time.

Anything to take the words corona, virus and pandemic off your minds. And with that, here is what to expect from the new – new front office, new coaching staff and new culture – Browns this season (and once in 2021).

But first, a few notes before beginning.

The Browns have been rewarded with the fourth-easiest schedule and play only four teams that made the playoffs (Houston, Tennessee, Philadelphia and Baltimore). All AFC Central teams are in the top six.

There will be a lot less traveling this season. Only two trips out of the Eastern Time Zone (Dallas and Tennessee, both Central)). Last season, the Browns traveled to San Francisco, Denver and Arizona. If nothing else, the club’s Circadian rhythms won’t be screwed up.

They play four of their first seven games against division opponents, three on the road. And they’ll appear in prime time just twice (four last season), hosting Cincinnati in the home opener in week two on a Thursday night and visiting Baltimore on a Monday night in week 14.

The Browns spend practically the entire month of November at home surrounding the bye in week nine with three straight home games before wrapping up the season with four of the final six games on the road. That includes a two-week stay in New Jersey with back-to-back games against the two New York teams.

The season opener at Baltimore brings to mind one of the worst opening-game records in league history. Since the resurrection in 1999, the Browns are 1-19-1 in lid lifters. That includes a stretch of 13 straight losses. That victory, by the way, was against the Ravens at home in 2004. They finished 4-12 that season.

We begin with . . .

Week 1, Sunday Sept. 12 at Baltimore, 1 p.m., CBS – The Browns are winless in four season-opening games on the road. Make that five after Lamar Jackson savages a very ordinary Cleveland defense with his arm and feet. He won’t have to throw as much because the Ravens have a frighteningly outstanding set of running backs in Mark Ingram II, Justice Hill, Gus Edwards and Ohio State’s J.K. Dobbins, who the Ravens stole in the second round of the college draft. Talk about embarrassment of riches. And let’s not forget about the strong, quick, opportunistic and lethal Baltimore defense. Rough start for rookie coach Kevin Stefanski. (L)

Week 2, Thursday Sept. 17 vs. Cincinnati, 8:20 p.m. p.m., NFL Network – Joe Burrow’s first appearance in Cleveland does not go well.  He found out in week one against the Los Angeles Chargers that this is not college football. And the Browns, who had way too few answers for Jackson a few days ago, have all the correct ones against the outmatched kid, who will throw three picks and take as many sacks.. The Cleveland offense, meanwhile, gets untracked after a slow start in Baltimore as Stefanski’s stretch offense hums smoothly all evening with Nick Chubb and Kareem Hunt chewing up chunks of yardage and Baker Mayfield flashes signs of his rookie season with a near flawless performance. (W)

Week 3, Sunday Sept. 27 vs. Washington, 1 p.m., FOX – This season’s foray into the NFC part of the schedule can’t be any worse than last season’s 0-4 against the West. And it starts with this one against a team, much like the Browns trying to find a new identity with a new coach. Ron Rivera takes over for Jay Gruden with little on the offensive shelf. Unless veteran quarterback Alex Smith makes a miraculous comeback from his gruesome leg injury in 2018, it looks as though former Ohio State quarterback Dwayne Haskins, who had a rough rookie season, is the man. For the second week in a row, the Cleveland secondary feasts on a former Buckeye quarterback. And the offense continues humming against a young Redskins defense. (W)

Week 4, Sunday Oct. 4 at Dallas, 1 p.m., FOX – The Browns have played the Cowboys just four times since returning in 1999 and are winless. They came close in 2012, losing in overtime. They won’t come close this time. Not with quarterback Dak Prescott, Ezekiel Elliott running and Amari Cooper, rookie CeeDee Lamb and Michael Gallup catching passes and arguably the best offensive line in the league. And with new coach Mike McCarthy calling the shots on offense, the Cowboys will be too much for the Cleveland defense to handle. The Cleveland offense, feeling more comfortable by the game with Stefanski’s scheme, should flourish against a questionable Dallas defense. This one could be a shootout. (L)

Week 5, Sunday Oct. 11, vs. Indianapolis, 1 p.m., CBS – These two teams have played each other nine times since 1999, five of them in Cleveland. The Browns have lost all five. That is about to change. The Colts, who won nine of their last 10 games last season to qualify for the postseason, are clearly the better team, but sometimes the better team does not always win. This will be one of those cases. The venerable Philip Rivers takes over after spending the first 16 years of his career with the Chargers. At 38, he showed signs of slowing down last season. The Browns will prove that was not an aberration, picking him off twice and dropping him thrice. The offense continues to hum with Mayfield clearly showing his sophomore season was, indeed, an aberration. With two more touchdown passes, he is completing nearly 67% of his passes this season. (W)

Week 6, Sunday Oct. 18 at Pittsburgh, 1 p.m., CBS – Bad news. Ben Roethlisberger and his 23-2-1 record against the Browns are back after missing just about all of the 2019 season, including both Cleveland games. His two losses were in Cleveland. One broke a 10-game winning streak (2009); the other an eight-gamer (2014). He is currently on a six-game unbeaten streak, including a tie in the 2018 season opener. The future Hall of Famer is unbeaten at home against the Browns in 12 games. That will tick up to 13 simply because the Browns do not win in Pittsburgh with Roethlisberger at quarterback. Until that changes, that is a prima facie fact. This is not a guess. If Big Ben plays, the Browns lose. (L)

Week 7, Sunday Oct. 25 at Cincinnati, 1 p.m., CBS – Joe Burrow’s second start against the Browns will be a lot smoother than the week two meeting. This time, coach Zac Taylor features the running game more. Joe Mixon, who has had some of his best days against the Cleveland defense, will play a larger role than in week two, but it won’t be enough as the Browns sweep the season series behind a defense that chokes off the run and dares Burrow to throw. The offense plays just steady enough against a stingy Cincinnati defense to help even the division record at 2-2, Mayfield hooks up with tight ends Austin Hooper and David Njoku for touchdowns in the low-scoring game. (W)

Week 8, Sunday Nov. 1 vs. Las Vegas, 1 p.m., FOX – Sure looks strange to see Las Vegas on the schedule. There are those around the NFL who believe this Raiders team under coach Jon Gruden could surprise with a decent offense led by quarterback Derek Carr, running back Josh Jacobs and receivers Hunter Renfroe, rookies Henry Ruggs III, Lynn Bowden Jr., and Bryan Edwards and underrated tight end Darren Waller. The Vegas defense is somewhat shaky, but manages to contain Mayfield & Co. despite the cross-country trek as the Browns, who entered the game with a three-game winning streak at home, begin the first of four straight weeks at home, including the bye next week, on a down note and fall to 4-4 at the midway mark. (L)

Week 9, BYE

This obviously has become an endurance test. Rather than subject you to way too much information at this point, if you haven’t already moved on, this seems like a good place to stop and save the rest of this short story for another 24 hours.